I am complete. I don't need anything from anyone. I am happy and fun and warm and content and buzzing for life. I don't need anybody else to contribute to my happiness. I am overflowing with my own natural joy and completion. No food, person, act, image, taste, smell, thought, or perception is necessary, I am already complete. There are no holes in me that need filling. When I was younger I thought there were holes in my soul that needed filling. I looked closer and saw that there was nothing. No missing pieces. I am so fun and joyous. I have no bad emotions left. I do not feel jealousy or craving. I have high energy and I am free. So free that I attract. I overflow with everything.

We must loosen the grip that other people have on our mood. We should remain totally congruent with ourselves totally. There should not be anyone able to ruin our mood, or try to change it, no matter what our natural behaviour causes in them. I am reminded of this because my boss at work is a sensitive and horrible soul. If I am my natural self, which is quiet and pensive and silent for long periods of time, I know that it upsets him, and he makes off-hand snarky comments, gets angry, gets annoyed with us (me and my colleague). Some people in life have 'expectations'. This is not a small word. Expectations. It's much heavier than its common use would suggest. People's expectations are a life-threatening attack on your person. When you don't meet the expectations of people WITH expectations, they get upset. This is a sign to leave. They put everybody into the same box that they are in, and when you don't join them in their little box, they get upset and angry. My girlfriend is like this, too. I plan on leaving both these people, as should you. Expectations might look like somebody getting frustrated with you, annoyed, angry, complaining, etc. It may not look like anything; you may just feel a subterranean pressure on your behaviour. You might feel inside that you want to say one thing but for any reason, you don't. And, by the way, the mind is a hilarious thing. It will tell you to be nice. It will tell you that to bend over and get fucked by another person is merely a small inconvenience—be polite! That is the imperative our mind says. Superego. Maybe your parents were too demanding of you and now you seek that same pattern in others for familiarity. I am there right now and this is my therapy, let it be yours too. I will not bend to you. Don't give in to people's expectations. One must maintain total sovereignty over their own soul, being, performance, behaviour, speech, etc. Let others who do not accept you, or who want to shove you in a box go fuck themselves.

No.

It is good to know what your values are. As time goes on, I grow intolerant of people who do not align with my values. I start to see it more and more now that 'these people are not my people'. :: Do not talk over people. There is something deeply disgusting about talking over people. Well, it's something a bit more nuanced than that. Because it is natural in speech that one person may sometimes speak over another, interrupt, mis-time their speech. To these occurrences, you can say "wait let me finish". If they stop without complaint and give you the floor, the person has corrected their mistake. But then there are those who repeatedly interrupt, repeatedly assume that they understand, repeatedly undermine you. This is disgusting. If you notice that /you/ are the one are doing it, you should then take a second to be silent and let the person feel that they are able to speak in clear space without being rushed. If you are on the receiving end of such heinous behaviour regularly, you should not associate with that person anymore. Slowly or suddenly (both are equally valid) cut contact. No good will come from a person who talks over you. :: People who think they know everything. Life should be lived naively. As deeply naive as you can be. You should treat life like a field of study, that you are learning from every second. Everybody has something interesting to uncover, every topic too. But every now and then, you will unfortunately meet people who nod. As you talk to them, they nod and smile before they fully grasp the meaning of what you're saying, as if they understand. They will try to finish your sentences and mostly get it wrong. They will rush you into completing your communication. Avoid these people and confuse them. Say "no that's not at all what I meant". :: People who cling to words. When somebody calls you out on a specific word you say, or a specific construction of sentences, I always think that they are worthless. We should listen to each other in feelings. I sort of say something in messy words, you sort of messily understand it. Perfect. People who try to say the right thing and expect you to say the right thing are incorrect. That's not how life should be lived. There is beauty in understanding niche words, saying niche things amongst people with whom you share a pathway. But to most people, one should speak as clearly as they can, yet expect their counterpart to translate their fuzz. And you should aim to listen to fuzz the best you can and live translate. :: Do not brag. Or, if you brag, celebrate others achievements as your own. You can be proud of what you have achieved, as long as you extend this feeling to others. Mostly, however, you should not brag. And the worst combination of all is somebody who brags and thinks they are better than other people because of it. :: Be non-judgemental. Enjoy silence. Have fun. Make jokes. Make horrible jokes. Poke fun at each other. Accept the other in all their shades of dirt. :: People who lie. Some people lie. Maybe to you, maybe to themselves. Run away from both. For those people that lie to themselves will use it to justify their actions against you and the people you care about. Those who lie to you are the worst. Let naive, pure honesty drown your life, and protect your soul from liars. :: Be on your wavelength. Generally, we should be kind to people who are not on our level of intelligence or have our flavour of conversation. Either too smart or too dumb. We all feel this when someone speaks too complicated, or has a totally different sense of humour, or doesn't get what you're saying. Spend as little time as possible around these people. Even your own thoughts and writings and the books you read will be better suited as company. In general, the less time you spend being incongruent (i.e. socialising with people you don't want to socialise with), the more resonant your frequency will become, the more other people will pick up on that. Like a ball with little sticks coming out of it, you will not be able to roll as smoothly down the hill. Trim. Trim. Trim. Say no. No. No. No. No. No. This is how you find yourself. No. No. No.

Yesterday evening, I went to the gym and this black chap— ——I must pause this post immediately and take a quick second to talk about my relationship to black people. It is complicated. In fact, this whole post will be complicated and shock most people. I will go on anyway. Early on, when I was growing up, the black people I ran into were always aggressive in the area and socioeconomic group I grew up in (Neasden). They would mug me, sense that I was weaker and bully me (I was a short, fat, soft (read:girly) nerd with glasses). There is certainly something about their culture, their attitudes, the way something gets passed down, especially in the poorer groups. They are survivalists at heart. A bit like gypsies. Pikeys. They have their own rules, just like every strong culture does. I started to hate them deeply. And, at the same time, I've always been jealous of their fun and freedom. Anyone who knows someone truly black (not these white 'converts' that watch anime and do medieval re-enactment) knows they are free-er as a people. They are relaxed, fun, energetic, and attractive in their presentation. There's a reason why stiff white women love getting their asses fucked by a big black man. They are uninhibited and full in their presence. Their athleticism and size helps too to give off this impression. There's something about them in general that is closer to being truly human. Maybe because they really are closer to being monkeys. I don't mean that in a bad way. I mean literally, and to their benefit. Why am I justifying myself? These are my thoughts, you're reading them. Fuck off. Anyway. Now, I am left with that complication. I am less scared by them, but I still sometimes in a bad way think of them as aggressive animals that need to be removed from the high civilisation of white society. I know this is all horrible to say but read not the horror—see instead the darkness I am pulling out of me that most people are afraid to admit but also think. None of this stops me from relating to them in a human way and, actually, accepting them. Not all of this was conscious until I started writing it...—— Anyway. Gym. Walking, and I see a nigger walking towards me with a durag and his elbows wide. The gap is small, but the piece of shit decides to keep walking. I decide to keep walking too. He hums. I turn sideways out of politeness to let him past, but he gets closer so I end up turning even more. And I feel like I lost that battle. Made to feel like a bitch. Fuck him. Fuck them all. I should have turned and knocked the living shit out of him is what I felt in that moment. Instead of also matching my energy by moving sideways, he capitalised on it to stay wide and make me move even more. Minus 50 points to niggers. Get rid of them all. I am reminded that I need to be ready at any moment to deal with anybody of any size. Whatever it is, I should be fearless and ready to escalate.

We need self-respect in fucking bucketloads. Fucking. Bucketloads. We need to have self respect dripping off us. Is it hyphenated or not? Who gives a fucking shit. Like when you're under a shower and the water coagulates (coalesces. Cohesively... something?). When it runs off your fingers, your nose, your lips, your cock, your toes, everything. Everything in life is made better when you add self-respect. Overeating and obese? Respect your urges by truly eating with full attention when you're hungry. Respect your hunger by eating exactly what you want, not forcing random shit you don't like down your throat, like you were some sort of trash can or calculator of health. Respect your body's signals when you're full by not putting another single crumb in your mouth. Respect your body by training. Respect your body by walking. Respect your body by also eating vegetables (i know what I just said). Respect your body by giving it sun. With a horrible partner? Respect your cock, respect your cunt. Get somebody who can lick it with gusto and enjoy themselves, or at least pretend so well that you feel like they're enjoying themselves. Respect your soul by being with someone who compliments your desires. If you want to be cucked, pick a bitch that's going to cuck you and step into it. If you want to dominate, pick a bitch that wants to be smacked about and bruised and worship you. If you want a man to be your pet, pick a skinny twink with a tote bag that looks like he'd happily die with your ass covering his nose. In a dead end job? Respect your fucking life. Go do something that will make you more money. Respect your soul. Learn a skill that makes you scarily happy, get good, get good, get good. Eventually you'll make money. Unhappy? Respect your mental health. Take a walk in nature slowly, be slower, be slower. Take cold showers. Meditate. Do some Metta Bhavana. (That's a must. Never heard of it? Google it!). Smile in the mirror every morning, in fact laugh. Dance. Dance to pop smoke, dance to Ratatat. Dance to Billie Marten. Dance to Inspector Norse (Todd Terje?). Dance to Jamie XX. Dance to jazz, whatever the fuck you like. My taste is better than yours. You want to write weird? Wwrite weird. Misspell. use lowercase; random punctuation. Whatever you want to do. Want to suddenly end a post?