It is a basic, essential truth that femininity includes the desire to be seen, and that masculinity includes the desire to see. The talibananas, in their blocking of beauty in women (by urging them to cover up / stay home), mean that females are less in the public view. This means, in general, in Afghanistan, you spend more time looking at men than women. In doing so, you will only be able to exercise your masculine desire to 'see' other men. And you'll start to notice the femininities in those men and start to enjoy it. Just like how in all-boys schools and jails, gay behaviour is excessive. The talibananas enjoy exercising power over women (and this truly is a beautiful joy that should be done, but they take it too far), in their doing so, lock them up too much, and turn themselves gay. This is why men in Afghanistan keep boys. The talibs do it too. It's secret now, because any form of suppression breeds secrets. In life, it is better to let women be women and encourage men to control themselves. Women are a gift to be visually enjoyed. The urge to attack and eat a woman should be controlled. Otherwise women feel the need to disappear and become invisible to not be attacked. And then they curtail their own femininity, they will slowly become men. They will dress like men to hide their beauty. The taliban are literally making themselves gay.

:: For women A woman's purpose is first and foremost to be a mother. This is a devastating truth, because of course, she is full of potential, as any human life is. She can do many things; some better than a man some worse than a man. A woman is more beautiful, moves smoother, nurtures better, and is more mentally flexible and open. She may decide to go down a motherless route (either intentionally, or she may find herself there), but she will have inadvertently rejected her primary purpose—and will have to pay for this serious biological rebellion in deep anxiety. She must find another purpose, which brings her into the territory of men. She must also be aware that likelihood of children drops extremely suddenly. I have made it this way. Illness is more likely, and percentages go down of men being attracted to you. If you are over 30, your likelihood of children goes down by 50%. Over 35 = 25%, Over 40 = 1%, over 45 = 0%. ::For men A man’s purpose is to drive. To drive a car. To drive his own life into the direction that he wishes. But he must drive towards it and continue driving towards it, past edges, past discomfort, past blockages. A man must pick a goal as soon as he feels resonant that the goal is his, and push towards it. This will bring him money to be able to raise a family. This will bring him focus so that he does not waste his life. This will make him attractive in the eyes of women. This will attract other men to join him in his path. A man must drive and drive and drive for long periods of time, going further than other people have gone before, going further than he has ever gone before. The further he drives the better. He must also realise that rest is valuable in the pursuit of driving. He must drive himself through the chest of people that try to stop him, or harm him. He must be able to drive his family, take them to safety. He must be able to drive his life in the way that he wants, make the money he wants, take his family forward. A man must go forward.

In life, there are really only two perspectives you can have on reality. You either believe in <the truth> or <a truth>. I will argue that to believe in <a truth> is far more beneficial to humankind, and that we should even actually sometimes avoid <the truth>. <The truth> is that everything in the universe is loose and fluid. Yes, really everything. There is no universal order. Morality is fluid. There is no such thing as a universal good or universal bad. It simply doesn’t exist. Gender is fluid, too. In your head, you can feel more feminine or masculine, and at some point it tips towards one way or another. Sexuality is fluid, beauty is fluid. All of life is totally fluid and we are all on a spectrum of some sort - all a bit gay, a bit straight, a bit masculine, a bit feminine. The only real wall is literally ::being a man with a cock vs being a woman with a cunt::, and even this is blurred in some people (hermaphrodites). Taoism and other ancient seeking arts have spoken about this extensively, and science (remember this) is backing it too more and more every day. The Tao Te Ching says ‘If it can be named, it is not reality’. Because 'naming' means to take a piece of reality and put it into an artificial box. To give it limits and walls. Quantum mechanics says all of reality is in flux until it solidifies when we observe it. But in reality, <the truth> does not have walls and it is not solid. This is why poetry and art still exists! Because the same thing can be looked at in /infinity/ ways. You can guess that all scientists are seekers of <the truth>. Atheists too, since believing in God actually means believing in <a truth>. To believe in <a truth> means to follow a set of rules that define reality for you. That take the mess and primordial soup that is reality and gives it some fuzzy edges that you can touch and see and pick up. It paves a road with signs and says ‘go here’. So that you, as a human-animal, can get on with life without chaos. Believing in <a truth> gives you purpose, clarity, and stops society from devolving into nihilistic, lost, depressed, anxious people. Because it’s in human nature to want <a truth>. For some reason we are wired this way. But if you mistakenly start looking for <a truth> in <the truth>, you will find yourself dropped into the infinite ocean. Unless you are ready to call yourself God and define reality, there is no way to navigate this. It is better for all of humanity for us all to believe in <a truth>, with set limits and guides on how to live. All the religions understood this and offered it to their people. When <the truth> takes over in a society, we become left wing. Science is inherently left-wing. It is progressive towards truth, which is <the truth>, which is that nothing is real, and therefore rules are not real, and therefore you may be whoever you want to be. This is why we have more gay people, trans people, crimes that are forgiven, criminals rereleased and femininity, which is inherently loose and ungrounded. Usually, seekers of <the truth> were either not given <a truth> growing up, or rejected and rebelled against the demands expected of any <a truth>. To believe and have reality clarified for you means to follow rules and work on duties. In religion, that might mean praying 5 times a day, fasting, going to confession, etc. All gods have expectations in return for their gift of clarity. Moving towards <the truth> is the easy option. It means there are no rules. It means there is no pressure to behave yourself. If it’s not clear, leftists are seekers of <the truth>, and the right are believers of <a truth>, even if not religion. It’s exactly why the left always likes to use education as a reason to discredit the right wing voters. Because they are technically ‘correct’, which feels indisputable, but they don’t realise the downstream effects of <the truth>: chaos. And now the gloves come off. What must happen is that men must decide and enforce what reality should look like. Men should decide, at the expense of reality, how we should all live. Sometimes that man is God, sometimes it is an unafraid man who has seen reality and decided to define his own <a truth>. And this is how order is maintained. When <the truth> takes over, we lose order. When we clip <the truth>'s wings, and we say 'no—men must love women and start families', we are engaging in <a truth>. When we say 'you have killed a person, you must now die', that is <a truth>. Any sort of decision-making in life moves you away from reality, which is fluid, and into belief, which is <a truth>. <A truth> is what’s right. It means deciding who you are, how you are, what you believe in, and forcing your woman to meet you at those expectations, or using it to filter people against those values so you may know who your people are. It is losing other opportunities (because <the truth> is infinite), in favour of clarity. <A truth> is clarity. <The truth> is confusion.

The killing of Charlie Kirk stimulated some thoughts in me about the left and the right of politics and people's ideas of good and evil. I will try and figure it out in this post. I was shocked when I opened Twitter and I saw some posts of people celebrating Charlie's Death. And, I know that this is ridiculous, isn't it. Charlie Kirk. As if he was something more than what he was—a man. Not anything more but he was an interesting man, not an insignificant man. I suppose in that sense he was more. Anyway, for the purposes of this post let's look past the fact that I am a man writing about another man, which is strange in itself and almost idolatry if I look deep enough. Another time, maybe. What did shock me was that the radical left was so happy about his death. About the death of a man. The death of your countryman. It shocked me initially so much. I thought "is this what the left has become?". But the more I thought about it, the more I thought that I might react similarly if someone like Tommy Robinson were killed. An anti-muslim spreader of hate. Angry person, aggressive person, horrible person. If he was shot, I would of course, somewhere logically know that a man had died and that this was a tragedy. And on another hand I might feel relief (really it would be relief, and maybe some happiness), that a spreader of hate had left. So perhaps that's how people feel about Charlie Kirk. But that surprises me, because he was not a spreader of hate. Or, if I'm being extremely honest, he was not spreading what I'd consider hate. Is it that simple? I didn't agree with him on everything. The abortion thing I think is ridiculous. The gun thing I think is ridiculous. Or at least the way guns are sold and used now is ridiculous. But it did make me think about good and evil, anyway. That was the whole point of this thought. I think that 'the right' have set ideas about good and evil. Whereas 'the left' are more fluid. So to them, killing is justified for their causes. Whereas for the right, killing is a necessary evil. There's a slight tonal difference there. The right realises that to protect one's family, one must sometimes kill. The left want to get rid of people who disagree with them. This isn't a mature thought. It's rough. I rambled.

Women are beautiful, perfect things. All of them. Since I've been a teenager, maybe even younger, I've wanted to fuck the ever-living-shit out of every kind of woman. The chubby older emo girl in a multi-coloured dress. The 'clean girl' with slicked back hair and sharp clothes. The teen with a tight crop top and baggy linen trousers. The fat latina who basically waddles everywhere. The tall blonde masterpieces from Northern Europe. The summer dress and Veja's white girl. The baggy t-shirt and trousered lesbian.

I am complete. I don't need anything from anyone. I am happy and fun and warm and content and buzzing for life. I don't need anybody else to contribute to my happiness. I am overflowing with my own natural joy and completion. No food, person, act, image, taste, smell, thought, or perception is necessary, I am already complete. There are no holes in me that need filling. When I was younger I thought there were holes in my soul that needed filling. I looked closer and saw that there was nothing. No missing pieces. I am so fun and joyous. I have no bad emotions left. I do not feel jealousy or craving. I have high energy and I am free. So free that I attract. I overflow with everything.

We must loosen the grip that other people have on our mood. We should remain totally congruent with ourselves totally. There should not be anyone able to ruin our mood, or try to change it, no matter what our natural behaviour causes in them. I am reminded of this because my boss at work is a sensitive and horrible soul. If I am my natural self, which is quiet and pensive and silent for long periods of time, I know that it upsets him, and he makes off-hand snarky comments, gets angry, gets annoyed with us (me and my colleague). Some people in life have 'expectations'. This is not a small word. Expectations. It's much heavier than its common use would suggest. People's expectations are a life-threatening attack on your person. When you don't meet the expectations of people WITH expectations, they get upset. This is a sign to leave. They put everybody into the same box that they are in, and when you don't join them in their little box, they get upset and angry. My girlfriend is like this, too. I plan on leaving both these people, as should you. Expectations might look like somebody getting frustrated with you, annoyed, angry, complaining, etc. It may not look like anything; you may just feel a subterranean pressure on your behaviour. You might feel inside that you want to say one thing but for any reason, you don't. And, by the way, the mind is a hilarious thing. It will tell you to be nice. It will tell you that to bend over and get fucked by another person is merely a small inconvenience—be polite! That is the imperative our mind says. Superego. Maybe your parents were too demanding of you and now you seek that same pattern in others for familiarity. I am there right now and this is my therapy, let it be yours too. I will not bend to you. Don't give in to people's expectations. One must maintain total sovereignty over their own soul, being, performance, behaviour, speech, etc. Let others who do not accept you, or who want to shove you in a box go fuck themselves.

No.

It is good to know what your values are. As time goes on, I grow intolerant of people who do not align with my values. I start to see it more and more now that 'these people are not my people'. :: Do not talk over people. There is something deeply disgusting about talking over people. Well, it's something a bit more nuanced than that. Because it is natural in speech that one person may sometimes speak over another, interrupt, mis-time their speech. To these occurrences, you can say "wait let me finish". If they stop without complaint and give you the floor, the person has corrected their mistake. But then there are those who repeatedly interrupt, repeatedly assume that they understand, repeatedly undermine you. This is disgusting. If you notice that /you/ are the one are doing it, you should then take a second to be silent and let the person feel that they are able to speak in clear space without being rushed. If you are on the receiving end of such heinous behaviour regularly, you should not associate with that person anymore. Slowly or suddenly (both are equally valid) cut contact. No good will come from a person who talks over you. :: People who think they know everything. Life should be lived naively. As deeply naive as you can be. You should treat life like a field of study, that you are learning from every second. Everybody has something interesting to uncover, every topic too. But every now and then, you will unfortunately meet people who nod. As you talk to them, they nod and smile before they fully grasp the meaning of what you're saying, as if they understand. They will try to finish your sentences and mostly get it wrong. They will rush you into completing your communication. Avoid these people and confuse them. Say "no that's not at all what I meant". :: People who cling to words. When somebody calls you out on a specific word you say, or a specific construction of sentences, I always think that they are worthless. We should listen to each other in feelings. I sort of say something in messy words, you sort of messily understand it. Perfect. People who try to say the right thing and expect you to say the right thing are incorrect. That's not how life should be lived. There is beauty in understanding niche words, saying niche things amongst people with whom you share a pathway. But to most people, one should speak as clearly as they can, yet expect their counterpart to translate their fuzz. And you should aim to listen to fuzz the best you can and live translate. :: Do not brag. Or, if you brag, celebrate others achievements as your own. You can be proud of what you have achieved, as long as you extend this feeling to others. Mostly, however, you should not brag. And the worst combination of all is somebody who brags and thinks they are better than other people because of it. :: Be non-judgemental. Enjoy silence. Have fun. Make jokes. Make horrible jokes. Poke fun at each other. Accept the other in all their shades of dirt. :: People who lie. Some people lie. Maybe to you, maybe to themselves. Run away from both. For those people that lie to themselves will use it to justify their actions against you and the people you care about. Those who lie to you are the worst. Let naive, pure honesty drown your life, and protect your soul from liars. :: Be on your wavelength. Generally, we should be kind to people who are not on our level of intelligence or have our flavour of conversation. Either too smart or too dumb. We all feel this when someone speaks too complicated, or has a totally different sense of humour, or doesn't get what you're saying. Spend as little time as possible around these people. Even your own thoughts and writings and the books you read will be better suited as company. In general, the less time you spend being incongruent (i.e. socialising with people you don't want to socialise with), the more resonant your frequency will become, the more other people will pick up on that. Like a ball with little sticks coming out of it, you will not be able to roll as smoothly down the hill. Trim. Trim. Trim. Say no. No. No. No. No. No. This is how you find yourself. No. No. No.

Yesterday evening, I went to the gym and this black chap— ——I must pause this post immediately and take a quick second to talk about my relationship to black people. It is complicated. In fact, this whole post will be complicated and shock most people. I will go on anyway. Early on, when I was growing up, the black people I ran into were always aggressive in the area and socioeconomic group I grew up in (Neasden). They would mug me, sense that I was weaker and bully me (I was a short, fat, soft (read:girly) nerd with glasses). There is certainly something about their culture, their attitudes, the way something gets passed down, especially in the poorer groups. They are survivalists at heart. A bit like gypsies. Pikeys. They have their own rules, just like every strong culture does. I started to hate them deeply. And, at the same time, I've always been jealous of their fun and freedom. Anyone who knows someone truly black (not these white 'converts' that watch anime and do medieval re-enactment) knows they are free-er as a people. They are relaxed, fun, energetic, and attractive in their presentation. There's a reason why stiff white women love getting their asses fucked by a big black man. They are uninhibited and full in their presence. Their athleticism and size helps too to give off this impression. There's something about them in general that is closer to being truly human. Maybe because they really are closer to being monkeys. I don't mean that in a bad way. I mean literally, and to their benefit. Why am I justifying myself? These are my thoughts, you're reading them. Fuck off. Anyway. Now, I am left with that complication. I am less scared by them, but I still sometimes in a bad way think of them as aggressive animals that need to be removed from the high civilisation of white society. I know this is all horrible to say but read not the horror—see instead the darkness I am pulling out of me that most people are afraid to admit but also think. None of this stops me from relating to them in a human way and, actually, accepting them. Not all of this was conscious until I started writing it...—— Anyway. Gym. Walking, and I see a nigger walking towards me with a durag and his elbows wide. The gap is small, but the piece of shit decides to keep walking. I decide to keep walking too. He hums. I turn sideways out of politeness to let him past, but he gets closer so I end up turning even more. And I feel like I lost that battle. Made to feel like a bitch. Fuck him. Fuck them all. I should have turned and knocked the living shit out of him is what I felt in that moment. Instead of also matching my energy by moving sideways, he capitalised on it to stay wide and make me move even more. Minus 50 points to niggers. Get rid of them all. I am reminded that I need to be ready at any moment to deal with anybody of any size. Whatever it is, I should be fearless and ready to escalate.

We need self-respect in fucking bucketloads. Fucking. Bucketloads. We need to have self respect dripping off us. Is it hyphenated or not? Who gives a fucking shit. Like when you're under a shower and the water coagulates (coalesces. Cohesively... something?). When it runs off your fingers, your nose, your lips, your cock, your toes, everything. Everything in life is made better when you add self-respect. Overeating and obese? Respect your urges by truly eating with full attention when you're hungry. Respect your hunger by eating exactly what you want, not forcing random shit you don't like down your throat, like you were some sort of trash can or calculator of health. Respect your body's signals when you're full by not putting another single crumb in your mouth. Respect your body by training. Respect your body by walking. Respect your body by also eating vegetables (i know what I just said). Respect your body by giving it sun. With a horrible partner? Respect your cock, respect your cunt. Get somebody who can lick it with gusto and enjoy themselves, or at least pretend so well that you feel like they're enjoying themselves. Respect your soul by being with someone who compliments your desires. If you want to be cucked, pick a bitch that's going to cuck you and step into it. If you want to dominate, pick a bitch that wants to be smacked about and bruised and worship you. If you want a man to be your pet, pick a skinny twink with a tote bag that looks like he'd happily die with your ass covering his nose. In a dead end job? Respect your fucking life. Go do something that will make you more money. Respect your soul. Learn a skill that makes you scarily happy, get good, get good, get good. Eventually you'll make money. Unhappy? Respect your mental health. Take a walk in nature slowly, be slower, be slower. Take cold showers. Meditate. Do some Metta Bhavana. (That's a must. Never heard of it? Google it!). Smile in the mirror every morning, in fact laugh. Dance. Dance to pop smoke, dance to Ratatat. Dance to Billie Marten. Dance to Inspector Norse (Todd Terje?). Dance to Jamie XX. Dance to jazz, whatever the fuck you like. My taste is better than yours. You want to write weird? Wwrite weird. Misspell. use lowercase; random punctuation. Whatever you want to do. Want to suddenly end a post?